Passion and Fire

16406678_10155036637612792_5087112724171773469_nIt wasn’t an “ah-ha” moment, a sermon I heard, or a book I read. I cannot even pinpoint a moment in time when it was decided. It was just in me and slowly it bubbled forth. I knew long before my sweet husband knew. And even with every conversation that ended opposite of how I envisioned…deep within me…I knew. Someday we were going to be foster parents.

Maybe it was in junior high when my first close friend entered foster care. Maybe it was highschool when I went on short term mission trips and saw the brokenness of hurting children right in my own backyard. It possibly was college as I wrestled with what my purpose was and if I even wanted to be a mom someday. All I know is when we started dating and soon got married, it was a pretty constant conversation. We were going to be foster parents.

It took a few years of conversations, and moves, and strategically placed scripture for us to be on the same page. And even in that season of waiting, God was preparing our hearts. For heartbreak, hurt, and unmeasurable joy. God was preparing us for foster care.

Our journey to foster care wasn’t exciting or attention grabbing. But it might be right where you are. With a tug on your heart without a place to land. Maybe your spouse is so not on board you think you’re hearing wrong from God. Or maybe you are passionate about orphan care and aren’t sure if it’s the right time.

Just know, God does not make mistakes. He does not place a passion in your heart or put a fire in your belly without purpose. Our journey to foster care was long. Our journey in foster care is hard. But God did not make a mistake in calling us here. Because without this journey…we would have lost out on knowing some pretty amazing children.

Advertisements

You’ll always be my baby.

“I may not always be your mama…but you’ll always be my baby.”

I said those words without thinking to our baby as I fed him tonight…and wept.

He has never in his life known another mama. I’m it. When the toddlers yell for mama, a part of me wonders if they have memories of their first mom. But not the baby. When he is looking for mama he’s looking for me.

But that probably won’t always be the case. Someday, our babies will go home to biological family, and quite possibly call some one else mama. It’s likely this baby will never have a memory of me.

But this mama. She will never forget.

I will never forget his chubby fingers or the way he sings loudly every time music plays. I’ll never forget that it took for-stinkin-ever to get him to sleep in anything but the rock n play. I’ll never forget how he snuggles his face into my chest when he’s ready for bed or how his face lights up when he hears my voice.

I’ll never forget how brother has to drum on everything or how sister needs to be carried around. I’ll will always smile when I think of our silly meal times or watch a video of their sweet toddler prayers.

These babies will always be mine, even when I am no longer theirs.

For every today.

Tomorrow isn’t promised.

This short quote is true for every living being. But it is so much more prevalent in the foster care world. Everything we do with our children could be our last. Our last vacation, our last holiday, our last bedtime routine.

For us, we head into the Christmas week knowing it is possible we may be childless for Christmas. The reality is that we have a court date a few days before, and court could go many different ways. Which makes this Christmas unlike anything we’ve ever experienced. It makes me want to make every activity we do “extra” magical, because we may not actually get Christmas, or I may never know how another Christmas is for them for the rest of their lives. But it also makes it harder to get fully in the spirit because heartache may be right around the corner.

Most days, our lives look exactly like any family with multiple small children. We change approximately 25 diapers, fill 492693 milk cups, and snuggle bad dreams away. But some days we are reminded of why we are here, why our children are here, and how broken our world can be. These days I take a hot baths and remind myself that Jesus is bigger than our broken system and hurting world. I cling to the truth of scripture and ask for more grace to get through the next day.

If you’ve encountered me in person, and asked about our case, you probably heard me respond with “We will love them hard for as long they are ours”…or something along those lines. While I’m saying it to you, I’m also saying it to me. Because we don’t know if we will have tomorrow…but we will love them as hard as we can for as many today’s as we have.

Preparing and Praying

Waiting. 

I am pretty sure there is no one in the history of the world who has said to themselves “Wow, waiting is so fun! I just love waiting!”. If you have ever been through the foster care or adoption process you know how this particular waiting feels. The emotions flow every time you meet with your DCFS agent, licensing worker, or attend a class. We are thankful for all of the screening and training, but we would also love to just have a child in our home.

On the flip side. It gives us time to pray and prepare. The most pressing realization during the wait is the sheer amount of things we have to have. Because, we realized, we aren’t just preparing for a newborn (although we are), but we are also preparing for a terrible two and a kindergartener. We know brothers and sisters and babies will enter our home without carseats or clothing or school supplies. So we work our hardest to be prepared. If I am being totally honest…I am a pretty terrible preparer. I stand in the camp of “just throw some things in the car and go”(anyone else in my camp?!). Thank you Jesus for pairing me with a over-planner planner! Chris makes lists and correctly labels things and keeps us on track. He makes me think through new ideas before I run with them. He is going to be the best daddy.

img_5466

As I sit here folding and labeling clothes, shoes, and hats I am reminded that it does not matter how much we prepare…there is so much unknown. We have no idea the amount of children who will be reunified with their family vs become ours forever. We have no idea the depth of hurt sweet babies will come to us with or the disabilities that will require endless doctors and therapy visits. This is when I remember the prayer. When I become overwhelmed with the unknown and the financial aspect and the lists that need checkmarks, I am learning to take a timeout and pray. God is so near in these moments. In this stage of our life. Even with all of the moving pieces and transitions and heartbreak we have been given an incredible gift. The gift of peace that passes all of our understanding.

So while we are in this season of praying and preparing: I also wanted to say thank you. All of the books and classes make it evidently clear that this foster care thing takes a village. Out of all of the things that we worry about, our village is not one of them. I know there are some of you who have specifically prayed for peace. Thank you. Thank you for loving our children before we even know them. And thank you for pouring your heart out to God on our behalf. We can feel it.

Now onto more preparing…

 

img_5470

Organized Chaos

 

img_5464

Anyone have a baby sock folding trick?

bigguy.jpg

Specifically Praying for the 3 year old who will wear this shirt. ❤

Timeline…Foster Journey pt2

fosterpicone

 

We are so thankful for the response on my last post about Foster Care! Many of you have asked questions regarding our timeline in receiving a placement. For those who are curious, here is a super broad timeline of events for us in the next few months:

Step one: Background Checks, fingerprinting, physicals, lots and LOTS of paperwork.

Step two: Illinois PRIDE Classes. This is a 9 week class in which we will be receiving almost 30 hours of training. We are excited to start soaking in as much knowledge as possible about the children that will come into our care. Although these classes are long and the process is long we want to make sure we are doing as much as possible to glean knowledge and be the best parents we can be for Christ and for the kids.

Step three: Home inspection, Wait for license.

Step four: CHILDREN!

This whole process will put us somewhere in late spring. The big hang up would be the home inspection…only because we do not yet have a home (prayer point). Our licensing agent has been super kind and suggested we go ahead and start the process in faith that our future home will be perfect for our future children. And where most times they put the home inspection towards the front of the licensing process they are going to hold off and wait until we are able and ready.

Continue to pray with us through this process. And HUGE thank you to our friend and current Foster Parent Jihannah Hogge for taking this beautiful picture of us. We made little prayer cards to put on your fridge. If you would like one just send me your address and I’ll drop it in the mail!