You’ll always be my baby.

“I may not always be your mama…but you’ll always be my baby.”

I said those words without thinking to our baby as I fed him tonight…and wept.

He has never in his life known another mama. I’m it. When the toddlers yell for mama, a part of me wonders if they have memories of their first mom. But not the baby. When he is looking for mama he’s looking for me.

But that probably won’t always be the case. Someday, our babies will go home to biological family, and quite possibly call some one else mama. It’s likely this baby will never have a memory of me.

But this mama. She will never forget.

I will never forget his chubby fingers or the way he sings loudly every time music plays. I’ll never forget that it took for-stinkin-ever to get him to sleep in anything but the rock n play. I’ll never forget how he snuggles his face into my chest when he’s ready for bed or how his face lights up when he hears my voice.

I’ll never forget how brother has to drum on everything or how sister needs to be carried around. I’ll will always smile when I think of our silly meal times or watch a video of their sweet toddler prayers.

These babies will always be mine, even when I am no longer theirs.

Advertisements

Christmas Treasured in my Heart.

“But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart.” Luke 2:19

I believe this is one of the most beautiful parts of the Christmas story. Mary, a teenage virgin mother, just gave birth to the Messiah. Around her are animals and visitors worshiping her little baby, it smells weird, it’s loud, and maybe she was a little overwhelmed (she just gave birth in a barn for goodness sakes). But I imagine Mary sitting back and taking it all in, treasuring and pondering in her heart, and my spirit is filled.

This was my first Christmas as a mother. And as I watched my sweet children decorate cookies, open presents, and wonder at Christmas lights I started to understand a sliver of the emotions Mary must have felt. Amongst the hustle and busyness and flu that hit all five of us there was a peace and pondering in my heart. I had so much joy watching others love on my babies. We loved sharing the magic and excitement and singing happy birthday to Jesus.

Baby got to experience his first Christmas with more snuggles and tissue paper than he could ever want. Sister opened a baby doll that cries until you give it a bottle and has yet to set her down. And brother carried enough excitement in his face for the whole family. It was a Christmas of navigating big feelings and needing many breaks. Our babies each needed a little extra love and Chris and I were exhausted by day’s end. It was wonderful.

We may not have next Christmas together…but I’m taking a page from Mary’s book and treasuring every moment in my heart.

For every today.

Tomorrow isn’t promised.

This short quote is true for every living being. But it is so much more prevalent in the foster care world. Everything we do with our children could be our last. Our last vacation, our last holiday, our last bedtime routine.

For us, we head into the Christmas week knowing it is possible we may be childless for Christmas. The reality is that we have a court date a few days before, and court could go many different ways. Which makes this Christmas unlike anything we’ve ever experienced. It makes me want to make every activity we do “extra” magical, because we may not actually get Christmas, or I may never know how another Christmas is for them for the rest of their lives. But it also makes it harder to get fully in the spirit because heartache may be right around the corner.

Most days, our lives look exactly like any family with multiple small children. We change approximately 25 diapers, fill 492693 milk cups, and snuggle bad dreams away. But some days we are reminded of why we are here, why our children are here, and how broken our world can be. These days I take a hot baths and remind myself that Jesus is bigger than our broken system and hurting world. I cling to the truth of scripture and ask for more grace to get through the next day.

If you’ve encountered me in person, and asked about our case, you probably heard me respond with “We will love them hard for as long they are ours”…or something along those lines. While I’m saying it to you, I’m also saying it to me. Because we don’t know if we will have tomorrow…but we will love them as hard as we can for as many today’s as we have.

Timeline…Foster Journey pt2

fosterpicone

 

We are so thankful for the response on my last post about Foster Care! Many of you have asked questions regarding our timeline in receiving a placement. For those who are curious, here is a super broad timeline of events for us in the next few months:

Step one: Background Checks, fingerprinting, physicals, lots and LOTS of paperwork.

Step two: Illinois PRIDE Classes. This is a 9 week class in which we will be receiving almost 30 hours of training. We are excited to start soaking in as much knowledge as possible about the children that will come into our care. Although these classes are long and the process is long we want to make sure we are doing as much as possible to glean knowledge and be the best parents we can be for Christ and for the kids.

Step three: Home inspection, Wait for license.

Step four: CHILDREN!

This whole process will put us somewhere in late spring. The big hang up would be the home inspection…only because we do not yet have a home (prayer point). Our licensing agent has been super kind and suggested we go ahead and start the process in faith that our future home will be perfect for our future children. And where most times they put the home inspection towards the front of the licensing process they are going to hold off and wait until we are able and ready.

Continue to pray with us through this process. And HUGE thank you to our friend and current Foster Parent Jihannah Hogge for taking this beautiful picture of us. We made little prayer cards to put on your fridge. If you would like one just send me your address and I’ll drop it in the mail!

Here we go…Foster Journey pt1

 

 

 

fosterpaperwork

Friends! We are so very excited to announce that we are on our way to becoming foster parents with the intent of adoption! After over a year of prayer and preparation we have submitted the paperwork to the state and had our first meeting with a licensing agent.

 

This is quite the process and we are just at the beginning but Chris and I believe so strongly in the Church’s role of caring for orphans, we want to raise awareness as we go along our own journey. I will be posting much more once we start our classes and get into the trenches! Please feel free to ask us any questions as we want to keep you informed.

 

And more than anything. Pray for us. Pray for our hearts. For the hearts of the children that will enter our home. For our social workers and judges and birth parents. There are so  many moving parts and people involved.

 

More than anything we want children to know the real love of Jesus Christ. 

big ideas, big plans, and big BIG prayers.

 

screen-shot-2017-01-08-at-4-32-23-pm

 

I have big ideas, big plans, and big BIG prayers for this year. I cannot remember a year that started with so much promise. Everything in our lives up until this point has happened so quickly that most of the time when January rolls around I don’t have the mindset of thinking ahead. But this year; this year is different. The start of this new year brings excitement.

I follow many different creative women on social media. Many of them have a grand cause and are fighting the good fight against the devil. Doing kingdom work while providing for their families or supporting amazing ministries. One of those women I feel privileged to follow and learn from is Katie from Dear Mushka. She so boldly empowers women to not only learn and memorize scripture but to wear it around their necks as conversation starters and as a way to share the gospel in a casual but life-altering way. Each week Katie takes us through a different scripture verse with helpful tips and encouragement on memorization (see promise cards here). And the verse this week was nothing short of a God-ordained miracle in my life.

 

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:19

 

All at once, I felt the presence of God. At first I didn’t even stop scrolling as I briefly read the card. Then I went back, and read and read, until I was sitting on my bed in tears. Something just stops me at “riches of his glory”. I am in awe. Am I worthy enough to have my needs met “according the the riches of his glory”? Because there are times (honestly, most of the time) when I absolutely do not feel that way. Times when I feel defeated, discouraged, and broken. When the hurt of losing dad, or the longing for a baby, or the discouragement of letting others down makes me feel like I deserve less. But God! He wants me to be rich in him. He delights in me. My needs have been, and will continue to be met, according to the riches of his glory. Such grace!

 

So these are my “big God life change only He can do” prayers that I am starting January with. Believing that they will be met according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus. I am writing them on my wall, at home and work, and sharing them with you so that when he answers my prayers that together we will celebrate.

 

  1. I pray that 2017 is the year we see foster children in our home.
  2. I pray that 2017 is the year that Northwoods Community Church impacts children in ways that furthers the kingdom like never before.
  3. I pray to be connected to scripture in 2017 unlike any year before (this includes 52 new memorized verses).
  4. I pray that 2017 is the year my sweet husband gets to use his incredibly creative talent for big and important kingdom work.
  5. I pray that 2017 will be a year where and abundance of people will enter our home and feel like they are loved, cherished, and honored more than ever before.

 

How are you praying this year? I challenge you to pray a “big life change only He can do” prayer. And believe in the power of Jesus’ name. Happy 2017 my friends.