Our almost no.

We really nearly almost said no.

There had been phone calls before, and we (tearfully) had said no to them. The information the investigator was giving me over the phone that Thursday was vague and seemed complicated. Plus these children were all coming from hospital stays with zero information about medical needs. It was so overwhelming to think through all the stuff that still needed to happen before bringing three babies home.

My flesh wasn’t ready. It wanted to say no.

But my spirit, the Holy Spirit, it said yes anyway.

And off we headed to the DCFS office to pick up two boys and a girl all under the age of three. I very nearly threw up on the way there, because man, my flesh is weak. But then we walked in the door, she handed me the littlest baby, and my heart was home.

Over the next twenty months we saw some extreme highs and extreme lows. Moments when I thought our yes was a mistake. Days when I wondered how long we would have to keep saying this particular yes. Heartaches that almost made me wish our yes had been a no…

But when she cries for mama from her hospital bed, she’s crying for me. And when he wants to go visit daddy at work, he wants Chris. Big brother prays to Jesus and my heart melts. We are able to comfort them unlike anyone else because they trust us unlike anyone else.

“For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.” Romans 8:13-14

If you’re in a battle with your flesh and the Spirit…go and read that scripture in its entirety. The flesh is where our almost no sat.

And when I think about our almost no my heart aches. Because for now, for however long they need us, our babies are home.

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