One year older and wiser.

A year ago I was meeting my children for the first time. “We have three siblings two toddlers and a baby. I think they are 3, 2, and a baby. We need to place them together”, the stranger of the other end of the phone told me. After limited (incomplete and incorrect) information, she needed an answer, yes or no.

If you’ve gotten a similar phone call, you know the emotions. The knowledge that there are three babies hurt and sitting in a strangers office was enough to make my stomach turn in knots. The idea of going from 0 to 3 children gave me a migraine. Knowing there was still a shelter care hearing to come and they could only be with us for 48 hours hurt my heart. After several hours of confusion over placement we were once again given the opportunity to say no. There was no way to know at that time how my life could’ve forever been changed over a yes or no question.

One year ago, we met our children, and very soon, we will say goodbye. It will not kill me. I will not drown. Because as hard as the goodbye will be, the hello, and the middle, has been the most beautiful adventure. I am one year wiser, not by my own doing, but because I serve a gracious God. A year ago, He nudged me to say yes when given the opportunity to say no. I have seen The Church in its fullest capacity, been in the front row as chains are broken, built relationships with those I may never have known, and had gospel filled conversations in the midst of the darkest dark.

We have caught a million tears and cried a million more. We have been investigated by dcfs, sat through heated court dates, and fought for information. Brother has learned thousands of words, sister has started to trust adults, baby has grown into a toddler. We are one year older and wiser. One year filled with love. One year left breathless from hurt. One year clinging to my sweet husband for dear life. One year learning to pray and draw close to our Heavenly Father. Thankful for this year and for all of the opportunities to say “YES!” along the way.

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