Big foster care days make my heart long for normalcy. For me, my marriage, my children. They make my stomach ache and my mind race. I lose sleep and dream of normal.
Because meeting in a room with strangers to decide every day details and big life decisions about my children is not what I believed my life would be. It doesn’t feel normal. It honestly doesn’t even feel good.
But God didn’t call me to stay where I feel good. He never promised that mission work would feel fun or nice or cozy. Advocating for these children is the hardest, most demanding, and sometimes most defeating thing I’ve ever done. When I become sure of anything is when everything changes. It doesn’t matter if I scream or whisper, plans continue to change. So I will rest today in the knowledge that God already knows the outcome. He loves my children more than I could fathom and he wants them to know Him.
I will continue to do that hard things because that is where I am called to be. I’m coming to terms with the new normal of our lives and letting God change my thoughts and my desires. I cannot unknow or unsee the things I’ve seen and the children I’ve loved so the only thing left is action.
Pray for us. For big and small changes. For our new normal. And for rest.