Trauma is tricky. It is unpredictable and rude. It shines through without mercy. It effects all who are in its reach.
Loving children with trauma sometimes is almost unbearable.
We work so hard to build a routine to avoid trauma triggers, but despite our best efforts, sometimes it is simply unavoidable. Even as we prepare…we try to wish it away. We use our happiest voices and our biggest smiles and brace ourselves for the inevitable meltdown. And my heart breaks time and time again.
Oh how I wish we lived in a world where my children didn’t have to experience trauma triggers almost daily. Where everyday tasks like dressing and bathing and going outside didn’t bring big feelings to my small people. But this is our world, and together we will navigate it.
Today I responded with words of sweet encouragement as my toddler was truly frightened without warning. I wore earplugs as we did bath time. I laid on the floor and cried as I prayed for peace for a little body.
Foster care isn’t glamorous. Most of the time it is hard to see progress. We have two steps forward and nine steps back. But we will keep smiling and hugging, reading books and praying, because they are worth it. Our love may not cure the trauma, but every day I will try a little bit more.